I can't help but spend some moments reflecting over this ghastly thought that dawn on me... Well, what had triggered this frightening idea was a sms that I had received from one of my secondary cum JC friend, Lixian. She had messaged me to inform me that, someone by the intials "CK" is planning on putting together a video as a gift for "Maine". And my first reaction went like this: "???". Yes, I had no inspiration on which "CK" is she referring to (maybe the best part is I don't recall anyone going by that initials at all). And the name "Maine" sounded totally foreign to me. Why had this sort of "blankness" filled my mind?

Since primary school, I had always kept a very small circle of friends. Out of them, a lot were those "hi-and-byes" types. Only a few became my best friends, who I still keep in touch with. I am never the one who would maintain too many friends, as I believe in fate. Coming together and getting to know and understand another party would require me to feel comfortable and "right" - just as that with I-mieng, my forever best friend who is currently overseas studying. Therefore, I am not too bothered by the fact that my number of friends is countable using ten fingers, till this horrible incident.

Have I been deceiving myself? Am I shutting my door and heart to everyone whom I thought are not going to last as friends? Have I been too selfish in only giving my attention to my little group of friends? Am I wrong to have forgotten about those who used to brave storms with me during school life? I am beaten... I don't know what went wrong...

Haiz ~ Maybe it's not that I don't remember them... It's just that some of them hardly register with me after so long. For one, I do not attend any class gatherings. This is because I am never the kind of girl who enjoyed outings with large crowd, especially when I am not too familiar with those classmates. I hate feeling so out of sort in this manner. I had learnt that I would never blend too well into the subgroups formed, be it at school or during those gatherings. No common topics too. Whatever the situation, their field of interest for discussions never generates any leads for me to jump in. Having to pretend that you are enjoying the atmosphere created was such a burden (though I know that in the working environment, one sometimes have to be an excellent actor). But this should not be the case for class gatherings, something so light and intended for friends only. Does anybody understand what I am trying to convey?

So here I am, trying so hard to recall any possible candidates for "CK" and "Maine". Okay... To be fair, this rigid brainstorming had directed me to slowly formulate who "CK" might be, but "Maine" just does not ring any bells. I am going to give up on this guessing game. It is killing too much of my precious brain cells... (yeah, recently I discovered that I am losing memory at such rate that maybe a few years down the road, I would be robbed of my memory about my early part of life on this earth)

So friends out there, I have to seriously issue this warning:

"Never message me with such challenging task for me to decipher. I am not as smart as those characters in The Da Vinci Code!"

Got it?

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While we often think we are aware of all that is happening in our lives, sometimes the card we choose regarding the Present provides deeper insight than we are able to tap into on our own. Carefully consider the Tarot's following assessment of your present, and see what the cards are trying to teach you about situations occurring in your life right now.

The Sun represents the primary influence on the current state of your life. Right now, in your present, you may be experiencing a period of pleasure and carefree contentment. You may have freedom to move about as you choose. Getting this card in this position may be a sign that you are enjoying your successes, and the happiness that comes from within. Beware of isolation and loneliness. Instead, try to accept life as it is, and let love and friendship be yours.

The Sun is card twenty in the Major Arcana, symbolizing contentment. In this card, a great sun shines down on a boy riding a horse. The boy holds the red banner of life in his left hand, symbolizing the conscious lessons that you have successfully learned. The four sunflowers represent water, fire, earth, and air—the four elements of the Tarot that are represented in the Minor Arcana. The horse signifies freedom to move freely toward your goals. The Sun brings happiness in partnerships and pleasure in life. This card is a sign of success across the board in life, and a mastering of your talents.

There are a number of ways this card could be playing out right now. Some possibilities include:

* You may be experiencing a particularly pleasurable time in your love life. This may mean that your relationship is thriving, or your dating life is bringing you happiness.
* You may be enjoying financial successes, such as a healthy savings account or a well-paying job.
* In the areas of health and well-being, you may be feeling particularly content and energetic.

Understanding our past decisions and situations can help us derive more from the lessons life is trying to teach us. It's never too late to acknowledge the truths of our past and bring that wisdom into our present and future.

The Emperor is the fifth card to appear in the Major Arcana, and stands for authority and leadership. In this card he sits on his throne, holding the ancient Egyptian ankh in one hand, symbolizing wisdom. In the other hand sits the globe of dominion, suggesting his power. He is wearing a suit of armor and is flanked by rugged mountains, symbolizing strength. The Emperor is the Earth Father, representing logic and clear reasoning, as well as your paternal instincts. This card is can be a sign that you may need to seek counsel from someone wise, or that you need to deal with an authority figure in your life.

This card may have affected the overall tenor of your life, or just a particular area. Following are a few possibilities for how you experienced these influences in your past:

* You may have had someone in your family who you could look up to and go to for wise advice.
* In your social life, you may have received plenty of recognition for one of your many strengths, be it an intellectual, physical, emotional, or social talent.
* You may have been in a romantic relationship that led you to develop problem-solving skills and independence.

Knowing what may be coming up in our future allows us to prepare ourselves for the unexpected. The card that represents your future will reveal which lessons are coming up next in your life. You may learn that you're about to enter into a particularly fruitful or easy time, or the cards may predict that you're about to be confronted with the opportunity to learn some of life's more challenging lessons. We each have lessons to learn, and if we avoid them, the cards tell us that they will simply reappear until they are addressed. When life lessons come your way, allow the cards' insight to guide your way as you work through these challenges. Keep in mind that if you successfully learn your lessons, you can then move on to new ones.

Your future, as it currently stands, is represented by the third card you chose. Judgment is the card of awakening. You're on the cusp of a profound awakening. Perhaps you've been seeking an improvement in your health and well-being. When the situation presents itself, you'll likely have a great realization that will bring you clarity. Once you possess this new awareness, use it to look back on the past and reconsider your actions. Understand that you must forgive before you can be forgiven.

Judgment represents an awakening. The card shows the angel Gabriel blowing his horn to awaken humankind from our earthly state. People rise from coffins, realizing that there's great purpose to life. The angel's banner contains the colors red and white. Red symbolizes a passion for life while white symbolizes spiritual purity, ultimately representing the balance between heaven and earth. With Judgment comes an epiphany that provides clarity. Judgment is a sign of renewed energy as you stand on the brink of self-actualization.

More than any other step of life's journey, this card represents the lessons you must learn and the experiences in store for you in your upcoming karmic destiny. This may impact you in any number of ways, including:

* A clearer understanding of the state of your love life, and the direction you'd like to take it in.
* Clarity about the kind of work that would feel meaningful to you and add a greater sense of purpose to your life.
* An opportunity to resolve past conflicts with family members, as you see the events with clearer understanding.

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